BEWARE DATING DANGERS

BEWARE DATING DANGERS

Every day, intelligent, accomplished women make incredibly foolish and irresponsible choices in men. They believe everything they hear and nearly everything they don't see, flying flind in bad weather under very hazardous conditions. They become the inadequate males' best supporter rallying to his defense against both friend and foe alike. They dispense reason and rationale with the effortless bedside manner of a clinic doctor with too many patients.

They refuse to see the proverbial forest through the trees and they forge ahead defiantly defending their "hero." More often than not, the hero is really a frog. A fraud in princely trappings who if examined even a little more closely might have been exposed early on.

Too many women want so desperately to believe. They want so much to be correct in their assessment that they have at last found "the one" that they fail the first preliminary exam. Be alert to the signs. Examine new people closely and above all listen to what they say. Most women just pay lip service to the term listening. Men say what you want to hear but if you listen closely you can "read" between the lines. Watch their behavior and that will tell you volumes. I have coined the phrase, LALA which simply means Look, Ask, Listen, Ask. As women we don't do that enough.

If you never remember anything else, remember this when and if you decide that you cannot live without THIS married man. They never leave. Although never is a strong and seemingly undeviating position, it is more often than not absolute. Know that many women find married men attractive because it keeps them safe. You would be safer swimming naked in a pool filled w ith man eating sharks. If you want real safety, stay home alone.

More dating dangers will follow in the weeks ahead so stay tuned and if you want more than read The Dating Dance, Confessions of the Spider and the Fly, available now in paperback from Amazon.com and on Kindle for an easy and fast download. No more waiting just one click does it all!

DATING 101

DATING 101

Beware of falling men! Better yet, beware of women who fall too quickly. Don't let your desire to have a relationship make you fall for the first guy who uses the terms "we" and "us" too quickly. This is a potential trap and could mean you are in for a ride on the terror train to nowhere.

Men will say and do anything to get laid. That means they will even morph into a gay man if it makes you feel more comfortable and off guard so that they can get you into bed.

What you do with your life and your relationships is up to you bright and beautiful woman that you are...but, make sure that you are asking for what you what and not accepting what you don't want. If what you want is a relationship that has some hope of permanence than you don't want some guy who is in the mood to get laid and will tell you what you want to hear to get there. The movie Magnolia with Tom Cruise was based on a true story about such a guy. His life's work was getting women into bed by saying anything and being anyone.

If Broken Hearted Melody is your theme song and you get some sort of special thrill from having pains in your stomach that scream what did you do, then by all means listen to the cache of stories that this new man is plying you with and jump into bed on the sound of the first "we". But if you are tired of those times and want to have a chance at finding the right and perfect man then use the LALA approach. That means Look, Ask, Listen, Ask. Stop hearing what you want to hear and listen to what the person is really saying to you. If you do that it will be easy to eliminate Mr. Wrong from Mr. Right.

Most women judge the book by its cover. He looks like a Prince, talks like a Prince, so he must be a Prince. But perhaps he is merely a toad in Princely trappings. A one stop rent-a-life guy who goes back to a wife and kids or to his rented apartment on the other side of the tracks. In today's world anyone can make themselves into someone else.

Keep in mind you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a Prince, but if you keep thinking the frog is a Prince underneath that slimy green exterior, you may never find Mr. Right. Stop the kissing and start the listening...it will be much more revealing.

BUYER BEWARE

BUYER BEWARE

I hear it all the time. Women telling me about the new man that they met last weekend and how much into her he is. She is just waiting for him to call her. He wants her to accompany him to Europe in a couple of weeks and he just couldn't keep his hands off of her.

It was electric what they were feeling unlike anything she had ever experienced before. They were just glued to one another at the cocktail party for Dudley Doright on Saturday night and could I believe that they went to the same highschool...imagine that!

She then drones on about how wonderful he is, tall, goodlooking, charming and very much a communicator. I ask has Mr. Wonderful been married but she doesn't really know. Has he been in any relationships for more than a week...again I get the blank stare. So what did she find out during this incredible pairing of souls that lasted a full 4 hours of cocktail party conversation? He drinks vodka straight up with a few ice cubes and he went to Portola High School either before or after she did.

Anything else? Sadly no. While she was lapping up the pseudo attention being lavished on her by this person and enjoying the words we and us and let's she was avoiding doing the very thing that would have given her much needed answers and let her know whether this man was a real contender for her heart.

Yes you were glued together for the entire evening and he did take your telephone number. As a matter of fact he took it twice on the back of a cocktail napkin that by the time he reached the car could have ended up in the gutter. He said he wanted to take you to dinner, soon. He would call you, soon.

Did he call? Not yet is usually the reply I have come to expect. But you argue, he cries at sad movies and we had so much in common. Surely he will call...maybe he lost my number. But he didn't call and a month from that night he still hadn't called.

You revisit the evening constantly, every word you uttered every glance you glanced everything he said and didn't say. You dissect every sentence and your inflection. It "seemed"so perfect.

You ferret out his business card, and call the office. Voice Mail answers and in your most seductive and interesting voice you leave your very rehearsed message.

The saddest part about all of this is that you are the one feeling badly and you did nothing. If and when he finally does call he will no doubt have a litany of excuses all of which prevent him from seeing you anytime soon.

Stop torturing yourself! You did nothing wrong and the evening could have been sheer perfection...for you. The conversation may have flowed like water...for you. The dynamics of your personality and his may have been incredible...for you. YOu may have had everything in common and nothing. Once this man of many faces is out of your presence you have no idea what he was thinking or doing. Perhaps you were just an interesting diversion from his normal day to day existence.

Just remember this, the men that you meet at parties and events should be looked at as actors vying for a part in your play called life. They will do and say anything to get that part. So just view your evenings in a more analytical manner and don't be so overwhelmed with emotion when you meet someone. Listen to what they are really saying and above all ask questions and listen to the answers that they give not what you want to hear. There is a difference.

Better Chance Of Getting Hijacked!

Better Chance Of Getting Hijacked!
As much as I attempt to put age behind me I find it necessary to continue to harp on the fact that I was 60 years old when took this trip to South Africa alone...rather moved there. Even more daunting!

I want to ennunciate that fact just as a way of indicating that it is NEVER too late to find that perfect person your soulmate. After all I had been divorced for the third time for 20 years and was in the minds of many long past my sell by date.

But with my attitude and the mental state of a 30 year old I met and married a fabulous man 10 years younger and gorgeous.

To begin with you must have a real life not one that you parade around for others to see but real interests that perhaps even consume you at times but certainly keep you occupied.

You need to have a passion for life and exhibit that passion which is all part of you having things that interest you and in turn make you an interesting person to others. You cannot just focus on being in a relationship or having a man to round you out. It won't work!

You are perfectly fine exactly the way you are and need nothing to make your life fuller, richer or more complete. The idea that you might like to have someone in your life is totally different then feeling that you must have someone in your life or you are not complete. You are already complete just exactly the way you are and don't forget it.

You really need to be proactive in your search. If a person finds you attractive that doesn't mean that will be mutual. Go onto your chosen website and search for those men who you find attractive and then be clever and witty and creative in your subject line. Just remember that any really interesting guy is going to be getting an onslaught of emails and replies so make yours unique.

I used lines like Calling All Princes...Princess in waiting...Out of the box adventurer seeks equal. I was simply seeking a friendship but of course I wanted the person on the other end to be someone I found attractive. I didn't want some Raptor answering my ad.

I started out by saying that I had moved alone to Africa which was a real conversation piece and opened the door very wide for commentary. He thought I was very brave...something that I never thought of before he mentioned the fact. I suppose it was a very courageous thing to move half way around the world to absolutely nothing.

BLIND SPOTS EXCERPTS

BLIND SPOTS EXCERPTS

Excerpt:

"Trust in yourself. You are your own best friend. You must believe that you know all the answers. The only thing that stands between you and the truth about everything and anything you want or need to know, is a quiet space that allows you to hear. Listen to yourself. You are wise beyond your own understanding. Sometimes it may be difficult for you to comprehend just how powerful you really are, so let go and just know that it's true.�

Excerpt:
"Expect only the best and it will be yours. If you don't think you deserve it, then why in the world would you have it? Know in your own mind that you are worthy and that will project onto those in your life."

Excerpt:
"Signs of bad behavior in the beginning of any relationship usually are not going to disappear. Pay special attention to the red flags then take decisive action. Better to flee before you are knee-deep in quicksand."

Excerpt:
"We grow up yearning for those never-forgotten feelings of love, of being nurtured by our parents, whether real or imagined, from near or at arms� length. This craving for regular emotional injections is so great at times it seems almost insatiable. It becomes a burning desire, to be loved; to be cared for; to be wanted; in spite of the fact that, so often, the person parceling out the feelings is a totally inappropriate partner. Under other circumstances, were we not so blinded by this need, we would clearly see the underlying problems so evident to others."

Excerpt:
"We sleep with someone we've just met because we don't know how to say no and not feel or be rejected. The thought that physical sex translates to being loved and being desired is just that, a thought. We want to believe that the sweet words being said come from the heart and not from the groin. This can be our salvation from the "singles" scene. However, relationships built on a foundation of sand erode quickly, and the "love" that we are feeling one moment, can turn to anger, depression and disappointment the next."

Excerpt:
"Don't get angry. You lose power when you lost control. The easiest thing to do when a man's behavior needs improvement is to let him have it with both guns. Those times when he's uttered words so thoughtless you wonder if he even lives on this planet; when he shows you so little tenderness, consideration, love, kindness, compassion, respect, regard or thought that you don't even want to give him notice of this impending "Gunfight at OK Corral." In your mind it seems much better to just draw and shoot aiming for the heart, if he has one. There should be no warning, you just want to blast away. Yes, at first glance that does seem to be a good course of action, but is it the right course to gain what you want?"

Excerpt:
"Measure a man by the depth of his heart. A man who is incapable of compassion, devoid of the ability to feel for others; the homeless, the less fortunate has little to offer beyond self-absorption and selfishness. Don't be blinded by other possible virtues. They are an illusion. Never think for one moment that those views are directed only to those on the outside. His problem is really with anyone who is less than perfect in his eyes. Although you may be certain that he is not perfect you can rest assured that in his "perfect world" at the end of the day you will lack perfection."

Excerpt:
"What you see is what you get. You cannot change anyone but yourself. At the risk of sounding repetitious I will once again remind you. Change only occurs when the person requiring the change wants it and commits to it. Don't think you can break the rules."